Narrativas coletadas pelo grupo ALMS na Finlândia

Narratives collected by the ALMS team in Finland

5. Eva Maria, Faculty of Behavioural Sciences
Free-form reflection

I only studied English at school and when I started my studies at upper secondary school I had real lack of motivation. I had a scary teacher and I was very nervous in her lessons. And everybody else succeeded much better than me. So instead of practicing I did only do the things I had to.
At secondary school I understood that my English was worse than it should have been. I still got quite good grades. I think that’s because we had lots of vocabulary tests and it was easy to me to remember few words to get good points. I still can’t understand how did I get grades like 8 when the scale was from 4 to 10. I didn’t understand the grammar (and still don’t) and was totally unable to speak!
My family never travelled and I didn’t get any possibilities to use English in everyday situations. I still don’t blame my parents because of my bad English skills (of course not). I definitely know that it’s all up to me - I need to set myself goals and work hard to achieve them.
I have heard that many people have learned English by playing computer games and watching tv-series. I have never been so interested of those things but I think it would be good to listen and watch tv-series with no subtitles. If I watch some movie or tv-serie with subtitles I only concentrate on them but not the speech.
I really enjoy the idea of having conversations with foreign people in English but I think I need to practice things like vocabulary and grammar first. I think I need better basis to give me self-confidence. Nowadays I’m dating a young man who has quite "international" circle of friends and I’m quite nervous because they all speak so good English. I can’t take it as an instructive experience because I just feel stupid and embarrassed. I can only stutter few words and that’s all. Rather I’m quiet.
While I’m writing this I notice that I am making many mistakes. That’s why I am going to buy a grammar book and start to study spelling. My most important goal is to get self-confidence and not to worry about making mistakes (and learn how to avoid them).
I want to enjoy travelling and meeting people from other countries - not to sweat nervously in those situations, thinking how to get away.
I’m going to work hard to achieve my goals. I’ve reached more confidence in other parts of my life by trying hard and granting that I am weak (I am a victim of bullying at secondary school)so I think it’s possible in this part too.
I have many things to learn but I don’t aim at being the best English speaker ever. I just need some practice that makes me feel more comfortable to use the language.